I thought so

You know you’re getting older when …

 You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.
 You need a fire permit to light all your birthday candles and after you blow them out, you need oxygen.
 You order GERITOL on the rocks.
 You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
 You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again.
 You don’t need an alarm clock to get up with the chickens.
 Your pacemaker opens the garage door when a cute little young member of the opposite sex walks by.
 The only whistles you get are from a tea kettle and the catcalls are from your cat.
 You finally get it all together but can’t remember where you put it.
 Everything hurts and that which doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
 Your little black book contains names that end in M.D.
 You look forward to a dull evening. Heaven is sacked out on the couch with the television turned to a favorite show and a new season.
 You need glasses to find your glasses.
 You wonder why more people don’t use this size print.
 When you get down on the floor to do something and ask yourself, “what else can I do while I’m down here?”
 When you introduce your children as so and so’s grandparent.

And I add some of my own …
 Your earlobes are beginning to touch your shoulders.
 You clip nosehairs and ear fringes.
 You do a decent cha-cha with a cane and a walker.
 Getting up in the morning to present yourself to the world takes a maneuver drill that rivals a pack trip to the Alps.
 You look great in the mirror because you can’t see the wrinkles.
 Clipping toenails requires a soak in the tub, a mirror, reading glasses and a yoga position. This chore is best done in the morning before the joints and muscles realize what you are doing.
 Your favorite dream is a personal, young and limber life companion. Must know gentle massage and to realize when you need to be left alone.
 Derring-do is a day in front of the slot machines at a gambling resort.
 Half your appliances and personal transportation wheezes as badly as you do.
 You realize that those young whipper-snappers are rude, ignorant, and really don’t matter as much as you thought they did. Exceptions: favorite grandchildren.
 You aren’t as terrified of things that used to spook you when you were younger.
 You realize why they insisted upon you learning math and foreign languages and writing all those essays. It has nothing to do with the subject matter but application process.
 Half of your possessions you don’t know where are.
 Candlelight really becomes you. It helps if your date is nearsighted and needs reading glasses.